I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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