Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
two words: eviction party
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
