Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
