you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
