did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
