so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
