you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
tonight lets celebrate not being married
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
