I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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