living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
