My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
