Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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