How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
