I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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