Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
