I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
