is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
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second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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