Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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