I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
