If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
