surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
