Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
