She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
