wakey wakey hands off snakey
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
