sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
