My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The uberlube is also flammable
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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