I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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