This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Found your dick twin last night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
