trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
