I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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