Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
