I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
