Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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