When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
