I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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