its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
