overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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