I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My cat gives me a boner
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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