please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
