i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize