I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
