): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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