how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
