U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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