He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
