I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize