the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
