Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
