remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
