you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
