I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
