Rock
Scissors
Fuck
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
