Fine. I'll sleep in my office
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
