im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
