On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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