guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
