So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you had me at cake vodka
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
