Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
