Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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