While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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