she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
me + whiskey = a bad person
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
