I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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