she woke up with a sticky ear
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
