we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i believe in u and ur pee
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize