do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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